De-laid!




So, I am sorry that I have not posted in while, my new (old) job is taking a lot out of me. Now, about my title, this is the long and short of it, I need to get laid. There, I said it! The need announced itself to me at work when I started looking at my colleague in a funky manner. This dude is just your average Joe, nothing particularly sexy about him but such is my need. It has been a long time, longer than I want to admit, lol. I always imagine that I will find someone attractive and just hop into bed but as much as I want that to be the case, it is just not me. I have found myself in situations where I can do a whole lot sans getting naked with someone I have no emotional connection with. By this I do not mean I have to be in love, no. I just have to know more than the person's name, that's all.

So, ladies and gentlemen, how do I solve a problem like this? I do not not want a relationship right now, I do not have much to offer someone, I am tryna get myself together, but I do want to have wild passionate sex. I want to talk first, watch a football game after, pick up my hand bag and head out, no strings attached, no feelings caught.

I know some people will read this roll and their eyes on some 'this girl is an ashewo*' tip, lol. Lemme just make it clear now, I do not care, this blog is all about me being honest about where I'm at and what I'm feeling, so please do not quote the bible to me, abeg! I really do believe that one's libido is like a car, it has to be serviced, tested and satiated.

I do not have a particularly crazy sex drive, as a matter of fact, I can go months without giving a damn but when I get into my zone, hmmn, let's just say, Viagra has nothing on me.

Anyways, I do not want to beat this to death, I believe you all catch my gist, so, if you have any ideas, drop me a line.

I am listening to 'Nwata' by Flavour, it is the perfect soundtrack to accompany my rather amorous mood.

* = Prostitute, Ho'. Whore, Puta, etcetera

New city and a little something

I am a happy bunny! It's weird but I have not felt this way in while. Yours truly spent a part of last week in Birmingham on business (lol, I feel rather cheeky saying that but it is true) I was in a lovely hotel in the city centre, and it got me thinking, here I am in this room, this double bed going to waste, no action. No 6'3' Adonis to make it beautiful for me. I have to do more of that this coming week, I will be working in Birmingham from Monday through Friday, it's nice to get outta London, I love the city but new things can be inspiring. I wrote this little piece some time ago and I am feeling rather generous right now, so I'll share.

The truth from ?

The lies come

Frequently and seldom leave

I am not one of many,

Not even one a few

No clues

Or a seven page manual

On how to - deconstruct me

But you,

So keen to test the waters

Glass in hand

Ready to drink at the confluence of my

Blood sweat and tears.


Come again.

Marriage and me?

Sundays have this rather odd effect on me, I always end up in this weird reflective mood, this Sunday is no different. Anyway, Manchester United lost a match today, I am working on weaning myself off football. So, I am back to banking, in fact, I am back at the bank that I worked at before. This is not good. Let me, be honest, I am glad to be making so money, but this can't be it, surely?

So, enough about that. My cousin's wedding got me thinking about what marriage means and if I see myself in such an institution. I have never been able to picture myself in that space, being married with 2.4 children. The idea appeals to me though, I want to make my mother (especially) happy and I know she dreams of a life for us that she was not able to live. But, am I willing to commit to something so life altering because I want her to be proud? I am not so sure now. I want to be happy, I want to travel, without being encumbered by family ties and societal expectations. If the right guy comes along and I fall madly in love with him, and I find myself in that space,then I will do it. I just know that being married is not on the list of things to tick off before I turn thirty. As a Nigerian female, I know what the expectations are and I do wonder sometimes if I will be brave enough to do what suits me. I am pretty convinced (I did a lot soul searching on this) that a marriage is supposed to be about the two people in it, if one goes into it tryna make other people happy, the whole thing is already doomed.

When I was younger, I used to think it was because I was afraid I would not be able to submit to anyone (that is still the truth) but now I know it is because I am yet to see an example of a marriage that makes me want to get married. I do not like the arrangement between most of the couple I have seen. Of course, each couple have to find their own groove and my idea of a an equitable union is not other people's, this much I know but, when most of examples are Nigerian and the woman is expected to, how do I put it, understand that certain things are inevitable, it makes me feel funny. Of course, I salute these women and their never ending endurance but I do not see myself being able to do the same. Is it the curse of my Western upbringing? Because so many people would lead us to believe that Nigerian couples rarely break up and this why our children are better behaved than European children. I do no agree with that line of thought. I remember what was expected of me as a child in Nigeria and I would never put my child(ren) through some of it. With that said, I would ideally like to raise my child in a two parent home, but hey, if I end up as a lone parent, I'll be fine. My aunt who raised me (She is the most formidable woman I know) is a single parent, she did it with love, she has the kind of strength that only makes sense to me now, if I can acquire a modicum of that at some point in my life, I will be a happy bunny. Oh, there is also this other idea that no one really is a single parent in Naija, I guess there is some truth in this. We had my uncle living with us and my paternal grand mother also lived about ten minutes away, and there were lots of relatives ready to correct us here and there, (Lagos Island is a really small place). So, I guess the proverbial village did raise me...

I have to be at work rather early tomorrow, there are tons of contracts I have to read, (this is what I do for a living, in a nutshell. Of course they make it sound fancy but hey).
I am currently listening to 'The Joshua Tree' by U2

It's been a while.

I am sorry about the hiatus, I have been away but not gone, as some folks will know.

I would like to stress that I cannot wait for this year to be over. It has been odd. I have definitely learned some things. Do you know that being creative can be a curse (at the risk of sounding conceited). There are many things that I can do, too many. The problem for me is that I need to figure out which nail to hammer. As I have mentioned before (I think) I got made redundant earlier this year, I was sad and relieved at the same time. Banking pays handsomely but it does not speak to my soul, I am an idealist like that, what ever it is I end up doing, has to make my heart hum. So, here in lies the dilemma. In the past seven months, I have started a book, a film and I am still working on my Tv project, I do not know which one I would like to concentrate my energies on, I enjoy doing all these things. Ah, it is driving me mad. I want to be less interested, less inclined to indulge myself in my many interests. Does this sound like I am kvetching about nothing?

Oh, as an aside, my cousin is getting married on Saturday and I have been forced to spend fifty pounds on the Aso Ebi. I am very annoyed about that, I feel cheated. I love my cousin, he is a nice enough guy but I feel dude ought to have saved some more money towards this occasion. I am getting fleeced and I am supposed to be happy about it? I asked my mother why it is compulsory for me to wear the Ankarra, and she asked me why I make it my mission to be difficult. Imagine! Not only do I have to pay 10 times (by my own estimation) what the fabric is worth, I also have to pay the seamstress. Now, her case is another matter entirely. I asked her how much it is for her to sew me a dress, nothing too elaborate (as I have no plans to wear this dress again). She says 'oh, my sister, pay what you think I deserve' Now, see me see trouble, how does one even begin to make sense of that. See rock, see hard place and yours truly is bang in the middle. I'll either pay her too little (and look like a tight fisted git) or I'll pay too much (and she'll think she's found a maga). I have to go try on the dress tomorrow, I think then I'll decide if being a git is better than being a maga.

I am happy that my blogging muse chose tonight to pay me a visit, I missed the whole it. Right now, I am listening 'Choklate' by Choklate.

Independence day...


It has been a while, I am sorry. I had to post today, I am many things but chief amongst those is a Nigerian. I am proud of that fact, I love the country, the people, its sights and sounds. I wish you all a happy independence day. We are not perfect, we have a long way to go but we'd get much faster if we all do our bit.

This short.


This is a just a quick post, I came across this short the other day, it's called 'Place des Fetes' and it left me breathless for many reasons, chief among them being Aissa Maiga. If you have time, watch it and tell me what you think. It's about five minutes or so. I think I am turning into some sorta Francophile, hmmn.

My Island tongue.


Hello all, hope you have all been keeping well. It has been a hectic fortnight for me, I have finally made up mind now, I am going to move to Naija permanently, I will expound on this another time. Anyways, I have been tryna put some things in place to make that easier for me. Hopefully, I will have some things to post up on my blog after this weekend.

Now, I was reading Original Mgbeke's post about the fact that she cannot speak nor understand much Igbo. I must say I was very surprised, hers is one of few blogs that is so Nigerian, it makes me miss home. I guess one cannot reach too many conclusions from blogs.

I am torn on this, my siblings cannot speak Yoruba either, they understand it perfectly, even different dialects and accents, but because they do not say the words, they only hear them, they find it very hard to speak the language. I am the only one who can speak it well, (I might make an audio blog in Yoruba soon, lol) I guess that is because I was born in Naija and they were not. I am from Lagos Island and as much as my aunt, who raised me, wanted us to be proficient in English, she ensured that we could speak Yoruba and write it. My attachment to my culture cannot be divorced from my understanding of my language, I love the tones, the adages, the flexibility and how one word can mean many things depending on how one says it.

I must say, I enjoy speaking English, I was told my first words were in English, as a result of hours spent watching Sesame Street. I try to make sure I speak it well, proper tense, correct grammar and all that.

I think Nigerian cultures will die a slow death the way things are going, so many young Nigerians, even ones in Nigeria, will tell you that they cannot speak their mother tongue, I read about one of these actors, Tontoh Dike (she is Ikwere) saying she because she was raised in PH she cannot speak her mother tongue, only English and Pidgin. I mean! When I was coming up, my closest friends, Bassey and Chidi, would gladly speak Yoruba to us and then switch to their own mother tongue when they were with their families and speak English at the evening classes, those kids were lucky mehn. Imagine, there are some Lagosians that can speak FOUR languages, maybe not perfectly but still.

I just find it rather sad that so many Nigerians would rather speak someone else's language to their children and to make matters worse, they speak it imperfectly, when they can express themselves perfectly in their own language. We oughta take a leaf out of the Indians' book. I have never, ever, met an Indian person or an Asian person for that matter that cannot speak their own language, what is it about them? If one loses one's tongue, one's culture will die, that is just the long and short of it.

As a result of my childhood, I mixed with Nigerians from different parts of the country, I know some Igbo words (the cuss words obviously) and I have an interest in the culture. I must confess I do not know much about my Island culture, because it is different from wider Yoruba culture. It is a mixture of Bini and Yoruba and I do not know enough about it, I am trying to find out.

My latest thing is learning Pidgin, it is going well because I realised that it is not rigid in form, Lagos Pidgin is mostly Yoruba translated down to its most literal form, so 'you no (dey) hear word' (which in standard English would be, 'you do not listen) in Yoruba is 'O kĺn gbÒ rÒ' or 'no follow me do dat kin ting' is a literal translation from 'ma ba mi se iru kan be (yen). Okay, my Pidgin is not yet perfect but since I have realised this little fact, it is coming to me. I also spend a lot of time listening to Wazobia FM.

So, you can all imagine my joy about the music scene in Naija, they way the singers and rappers sprinkle their lyrics with their own language, I love it. 9ice, Raw, Da Grin.... these are artists that I dig for that reason. I know everyone digs M.I right now, not me though, I find dude too western.

Now that is over.... I got the cleaning bug and I decided to re-arrange my books, that is a picture of my favourite shelf.

Les portes du souvenir


I know you all know about my fascination with Koko Mansion, I watched it incessantly for three week, the chick I wanted to win, Shona, did not win. I was disappointed but the show got me through the boredom that threatened to swallow me whole. I mentioned KM because I am amazed at how conservative Nigeria still is. It is a thing of permanent frustration to me that a lot of Naija people, mine included, do not seem to understand that humans do not roll off an assembly line with the same thoughts, desires, likes and dislikes. I think I liked Shona because she struck me as defiant, her dread locks, her tom boyishness, I found it all endearing (*) but it also made me sad, I knew she could never win such a show. The (seemingly) docile woman is still held up as ideal for all Nigerians to aspire to, ah!

I am still evolving as a thinking and feeling being and one of the greatest joys of my life is being exposed to different people from all over the world, I was a child when it occurred to me that I hated sweet things, I mentioned it to someone and they thought I was abnormal. My mouth has propelled me into a lot of sticky situations, I cannot tell you how many frog jumps and 'close your eyes and raise your hands' hours I had to endure because of my big mouth.. As if the big mouth was not enough, I was afflicted with some sorta blind courage....

When I was eight, I was accused of being a witch, it was a funny experience for me because I orchestrated the whole thing. I was in boarding school, we had Saturday service and the youth group leader advised us that anyone who had dreams about meat, raw or cooked, should step forward. Now, I must confess I had no such dreams but I am that cat, so I stepped forward, just me! Imagine, the entire YG were wimps, anyway, she took me to me to the head mistress, I cannot remembered exactly what was discussed but I was informed that I, the star pupil in bible study, was a witch, I wanted to laugh, instead I cried and walked of to my room. I had this affliction as a child to speak when I knew it would have been better to be quiet, anyways, as a result of all this rubbish, I was given a letter asking me to not come back to school. My uncle came, threatened to sue the school and the matter was dropped. I finished school a year later and I do not recall anyone else being accused of being a witch. Maybe I did something good, I do not know, it could have been terrible for me, but I had that foolish courage as a child...

I do not know what opened these doors of memory but it was one of the most poignant events of a rather eventful girlhood and I am thankful I do still remember.

Right now, I am enjoying the beautiful sounds of Les Nubians, their first album, Princesses Nubiennes, would be one of my five dessert island discs. This video is of my favourite song on the album.


....Be mused.

Sunday night and I got an unexpected visit from my muse. I am over my little flu situation so, thank you for all the good wishes.

I have nothing on my mind, I spent the whole day (feel free to shake your head in disgust, lol) watching 'Koko Mansion'. I am thoroughly hooked on the show, It finishes on Sunday which is fine by me, I want Shona to win but anyone but Rita will be okay.

I got through my charity work on Friday, they got me a bottle of cava, which I was thrilled about, I drank it all by myself, my tolerance for alcohol has shot up, I have been consuming more...

Now, whilst I was laid up recovering from my little situation, I read a couple of books, the most notable one being Staceyanne Chin's autobiography, I was so disappointed I almost cried, I was very excited when I got the book but it was poorly written and it just left me upset. I sorta gave up on books for the week.

I do not know if I have mentioned it on the blogosphere but I am doing a show, young Nigerians discussing topical issues, we are recording on Saturday, if it turns out well, I will put it up. Eventually I want to go back home, I am from a small Island in Naija, and all this city life business might just be too much for me, so I got to catch my share of fish. If you have any ideas about things that are worth talking about, please drop me a line.

I mentioned 6'3 a while back, I must announce that that situation is officially dead, dude likes Oyibo women ONLY! Imagine my dismay when it finally dawned on me, I am alright about it now though I must say that I should have known but such was the attraction I had to him that I ignored it, he has been the inspiration behind many late nights but no more, that is not to say if I had the chance I'd turn him down..Lol. I get crushes rather easily and I already have another, I cannot write about that one unfortunately,because L will go all out, lol. It's all good, I might find a good way to talk about it in some sorta abstract manner, so as to give no clues about the sexiness of which I speak....

Oh, I have a small request to make, I am willing to do something in return, of course it has to be within reason, I would ask someone to kindly hook me up with a play list of Naija love songs. I am on my Naija thing hard right now.

My younger sister discovered Fela, by this I mean she has now decided that likes him after many Sundays of complaining about Pops' Afro jams. So for the past three days, She has had 'I no be gentleman' on repeat, it is driving me up the wall but I am rather encouraged by her interest in, shows that my years of trying is paying off.

I am very impressed by Sugarbelly, she is amazing, if you have not visited her blog, I suggest you do asap.

Stay blessed all,

L.


When pigs flu.



I got this bloody swine flu thing, I have been confined to my private quarters at home, the family is running from me. I am rather amused by the whole thing. See, I never panic when I get any sort of ailment, I do not visit the GP, I would usually wait for the whole things to blow over.

On Friday, I woke up feeling less that normal but because I had planned to go see a film, that is what I did, after work. I was shivering like hell but I did not care, we watched '35 Shots of rum', it was slow but beautiful. I got home and I was stricken by the worse pain in the head I had ever experienced. I ran to my bed and then stared at the ceiling and I eventually fell asleep.

I woke up on Saturday feeling marginally better, so I went out to the little picnic at work, it rained so I did not stay for long. Instead of taking myself home like I should have, no, that would have been to sensible. I decided to go out with the boys to Notting Hill with the boys and I had copious amounts of alcohol and smoked more than I should have (well considering I was supposed to be an ex smoker... those pictures are proof of the fact that I am a glutton for punishment. First pic is Yours truly, E.Q. and Pete).

Oh as well as cooking for the boys, I went to Ruby's with E.Q. and Pete. The former took me out and but I could not taste the food, which probably led me to drink more. Then she and I went back to the boys and chilled, she left and I drank some more. I did all this in one day! So, imagine how I felt when I got in at 4am.

I am also feeling mildly guilty because I might have passed this bloody thing on to other people....

Anyways, after three days of waking up in a pool of sweat, I finally took myself in and I was told I had the dreaded H1N1. I am relived that it was not some unheard of virus that was wrecking havoc on my body.

I am almost well now, so......

The really annoying part about this is the light aversion and constant drowsiness.

I gotta go, the soundtrack to the entry is 'Wonder' by Katie Reider, great album, you all should check it out. She died a year ago today.

Oh, would anyone care to suggest a good book or film to me, I might be laid up for a while longer..

L.

6'3 and randoms.

It has been a while and I am feel bad about that, my aim is to put up a new post least once a week. Anyway, I have been rather busy lately, been catching up with my 'Nigerian-ess'. What does that entail I hear you ask, well, consuming copius amounts of this show called 'koko mansion'. I am still tryna work out what it is I think of the show. I do know that I am pleased that it dispelled the idea that I had about young Nigerian women. A lot of them are articulate and vivacious, I like that. I have even found a favourite, I do not know her name, she has dreads and she is very outspoken. That is what I think, prima facie, on the other hand, I am somewhat embarassed by the show, it is anathema to everything I stand for, the idea of women as a commodity, it sorta worries me that our collective identity will be swamped in this rush to be more western.

Something that excited me though was a prominent Nigerian journalist getting smacked down by Banky W. I am not fan of his but Mr. W. showed that there is a lot of verve in the youth, it is often channelled through the only way young Nigerians can safely express themselves and that is music.........but damn, dude got smacked down and I loved it.

I am lusting after Roger Federer right now, he has he nicest calves I have seen in a while.

I took part in a fund raiser for the charity I work with, they had me sing, now, you have all heard my talking voice, so it's easy to imagine what I sing like, I tried to tell the woman but she would not listen. Anyway, I got up there and did my thing, they applauded and told me how well I sang, but that is the thing with oyibo people, I can never tell when they are being honest.

I was thinking about my crush, I might have mentioned him a few times before, let's just call him 6'3......... This FB thing is crazy, I saw some pictures of dude with some of his friends and there was not a black person in sight.....That worries me, it made me rather sad actually. Granted my feeling for him extend no further than his body, I do not have a right to feel sad about that one way or the other but I do. I looked at the pictures, pale hands on his chest, his hands in blonde hair and this thought popped into my head, 'he's tryna run his fingers through someone's hair, spontaneous showers and all. And it's obvious, he ain't thinking about me' . I know people tend to think of lust as something superficial, but this is not the case. This is lust that leaves me breathless with want, I really want him to have me. I am prepared to be told how crazy I am, I have no feeling for him whatsoever, I know we won't talk about the merits of abstract art or argue about Bird or Coltrane but there is just something about the way he wears his shirts and how he smells, the image that invades my mind when I think of him is not safe to write here, there is a small chance that someone who know him reads this (I am not a fan of censorship but I am being careful with this one). He is the only guy that I know I will proposition should the chance arise.

Man, you really should check out Maxwell's new album, I have had it on repeat for the past couple of week, it is pure flames.

The soundtrack to this entry is 'Electric Relaxation' by ATCQ.

I am off to take a cold shower, see, I just gotta write about 6'3 and voila.......

Guiness

I was in bed, reading some news when my muse hit me... I had to get the words of out my mind (if you write, you'll know what I mean) I hit record and the below is what came out, I refined it some but it remains largely as I thought it. I left in my little errors, I thought I captured it the way I wanted to and I did not want to re-record it. I laid it over 'Flamenco Sketches' by Miles Davis
I have transcribed it, so read and/or listen, whichever pleases you most, I'd be happy for you to.

Be good.

P.s. thanks to Sugabelly, I found a nice and easy audio thingy...

Guiness

it happens in deserted streets,
in half naked boys opening bottles of that Irish black with jagged teeth
where beauty was quite within their reach but always out of their grasp
they make love in the back of abandoned cars
barely there back seats
coiled springs penetrate exposed flesh
bringing them closer to that white light
they don't dare sleep
this is where hope fears to tread
where those with hungry stomachs that barely feed
know that the living and the dead will eventually meet
this is pleasure unspoken

we had never known anything like this
ignoring the rustiness of our confines,
I want him
the jangling sounds of the loosening belt buckle
his sweaty skin on mine this right here is the proof
I am not above you
yes I reek of perfume and you're bathed in scents that the streets give you
I have no strength to run from this, nor do I want to

You know the danger reeled me in, I saw what most ignore
those eyes searching for a place within me that you can rest easy
and I am not talking of the juncture within my thighs
you were looking for a joy and I was brave enough to give
you took only that which was offered, you never reached for more
at first I was displeased, thinking you did not want me,
but I was mistaken
you were waiting to be led down back alleys, and open doors that I have no keys for

and I was surprised at the strength within myself
here I was, trying to rescue a nomad who willing embraced death
look, you'll wander no more, I'll guided to many oases
we'll face death and survive
he'll visit while we engage in this dance, a waltz, no salsa
our bodies moving on the two and four
you won't let me fall will you?

I am a stranger to these parts, I know nothing of your pain, you know I don't!
but still you hold me, this is a moment that you could never have dreamed
and I dare not remember it
it was just one of those of those nights
me, a stranger on streets that won't welcome me because I do not belong
and you a nomad lost, looking to be rescued
and some how we found each other,
we did.

©


Ruby slept not.

Hello all. As the weeks go by, I realise just how little time I seem to get to myself. Anyways, as promised...

The VII(th) was wonderful, one of the best times I have had in a while and it was important for that to be the case, as documented, I had been feeling pretty low but the guys came through for me.


The above is me and two of my favourite women in the world, yours truly is in the middle and R23 on the left, E.Q., my co-d on the right. I chose the picture because it just sums up how happy I was. The boys were great and I felt like a princess. (my sis will kill me, so I gotta take down the pic soon) The soiree was at Ruby&Sequoia, very cool spot, if a little pretentious. I thought I'd hob nob it with the habitués of exclusive watering holes...

Oh, another totally random thing, I need to join the gym again, I could not get into my favourite pair of shorts today, not good. I am not a freak about my weight but this cannot be going down, summer is here and this is when looking one's best is mandatory.

I have been trawling the blogosphere and I came across a new favourite, this sister is beyond amazing, I am totally inspired by her. She has quickly become one of my most frequent stops in the virtual world. Sugarbelly is the name, check out her site, it is unreal.

I am going to Paris, a belated birthday present from E.Q. Let me tell you all, I am very excited but I feel Paris is somewhat cliché, but I intend to have a boat load of fun.

I have had no sleep since Thursday night, I hung out with Johnny after work yesterday, drinking copious amounts of rose, I woke up with a well deserved headache and I am still nursing it now. Drinking is really not that good.... I am off to make some coffee and I will try to catch up on some badly needed shut eye, I know caffeine is mean to have the opposite effect, but it soothes me and sleep comes easily when I am soothed...

Be well all.

My birthday today.... the VII(th)

I had a ball last night and the body is still recovering. I will add to this later... I hope you all enjoy your birthdays.....


L.

Gulliver - via the red dot (audio post)

Hello,

It's been a while, the keys on laptop are playing up. So, I decided to make an audio thing. I have missed you all....

I am listening to 'Vanilla Latte' by Katie Reider, it's really good, so check it out.

P.s. this was made before the final and you all know what happened there, I am not upset though, the best team won.

Be good,

L.


Gulliver - via the red dot from 'Fro-VII on Vimeo.

Origami days,


Life is great now, the job is cool, I did not know that I had so much patience. I am currently nursing a crush that I know will go nowhere, dude is one of those brothers who only seem to like Caucasian women, so what's a sister to do? I cannot stop my heart from beating triple time when he moves and I can see the clear definition of muscles in his back, lol. I am gonna work on him, at least I'll try. I am not one for nursing silly crushes but there is something very interesting about him.

One of the kids made an origami rose today, it made me so happy, it said 'to Ms, thanks for helping me' (I will put up a picture later) these are the tangential things that make my days worthwhile.

I am in the middle of concluding my trilogy, so I'll post it up at some point this week. I cannot believe how much I missed the blogosphere, I do hope you guys are all good.

I am currently listening to 'Connected' by Foreign Exchange, they are great, there's a second album but the first is much better.

Stay blessed all.

L.

Where charity begins....

I have been so busy this week, I barely had enough time to catch my breath. Over the past week, I have been made to realise just how lucky I am. The credit crunch took my job, a job that probably would have been a great career and I was feeling so sorry for myself. That was one of the reasons I started blogging.

I got a new job now, it is working with a charity for women, something I have always wanted to do. I have met some women and girls, in just a week, that have made me smile and made me thank God that I have my family and friends. I realise now that the career that I thought I was gonna have was just about me being safe, about doing what I supposed to do.

So, I am through with 'Compliance', I enjoyed it, I have a keen interest in the law and it's application but I am more interested in making a difference.

One of the girls asked me on Thursday, 'Miss, do you think you are happy?' I did not answer her, I just smiled, I am hoping the answer will be yes soon.

That's enough of this introspection, I am currently listening to 'Closer' by Kings of Leon, you should all check them out, they are pretty good.

L.

8 and things.


So, I was tagged to do this 8 things meme by BSNC and Vic. No better time than now, so here it goes;


8 Things I look forward to

1. Starting my new job

2. Going to Valencia

3. My sister's 21st

4. Inglorious Basterds

5. Reading Toni Morrison's 'A Mercy'

6. Listening to Maxwell's new joint

7. Manchester United v. Arsenal

8. Falling in mad lust, again


8 Things I did yesterday.

1. Watched Man Utd v. Arsenal

2. Spent some time with my mother

3. Worked on my script

4. Read mad news on the 'net

6. Cooked with R23

7. Did some homework with little Brother

8. Hand washed some shirts


8 Things I wish to do.

1. Direct a Nollywood film

2. Open a shelter for women and girls in Lagos

3. Live in a beach house in Lagos

4. Doing Jury duty

5. Sleep with someone who can draw me outta my inhibitions

6. Own a Jean-Michel Basquiat painting

7. Get a star filled in my tatt

8. Go to Bahia and Havana


8 Shows I watch

1. The Wire

2. Damages

3. Mad Men

4. Big Love

5. Meet the Faith

6. Newsnight

7. ER

8. The Game


Right now, I am listening to Anthony Hamilton's latest, it is fire! I am down with this voice exchange thing, so let's get it on and popping.

Audio post, L-VII and R23.

I succumbed to the audio thing (after a million tries, it worked). It is basically a mini conversation with my sister, R23. She and I discussed inter racial relationships. So, listen and tell me what you think. Be nice!!!!





video

Honesty meme, L's version.


I was tagged to do this 'Honesty' thing by Phoneparazzi I have been putting it off but I am rather bored. So, here it goes;

1. I gave up smoking in January, it was starting to get silly.

2. When I was seven, I stole something and I was proud of it. It was hair grease, my aunty had it, my cousins and I asked her to borrow it and she claimed she did not have any. We waited for her to go out, I took it out of her wardrobe and we sold it to the Fulani lady who did hair on my street. She could not ask us for it, we knew this. I got five Nairas for my efforts and I was happy.

3. I do not know how to ride a bike. It was a Sunday, Iya Sheni's Pepper stall was in the way, I tried to swerve and I ended up in the gutter, drenched and embarrassed, the boys fell about laughing, I stayed in the bath for hours and I swore off bikes.

4. I had a gay uncle, he was very effete. I did not know until I was about six that he was not like other men, he cooked with the women, went to the market and was always in the kitchen. I over heard my Alhaja and the other heads of the family telling him he either had to get married or forget he had family. I remember feeling sad for him, he left for a about six months and some other equally feminine men came to look for him, they never got far, they got shouted at by my aunts who called them all kinds of unseemly names. Still, I did not know what 'gay' meant until I moved to England aged 11, my uncle died two years ago aged 50. He had one son and the family threw a huge party for him, I remember watching the video and wondering if they were celebrating his life or the fact that he was now gone. My father said to me once, 'you know your Uncle Wahab was gay' and I ignored him.

5. I am avid reader, my room is like a mini library. I was taught to read by my youngest aunt, she was only eight years older me, so I thought she was the coolest thing ever. She used to make me read Mills & Boon books to her, I am still tryna decide if this was a good thing or not. I'd be like Aunty, what does 'hot member' mean and she'd say, 'gbenu s'oun (shut up) and finish reading' and I'd do just that.

6. I bought my first pair of Louboutins a month ago, I keep the shoe box near my bed. They remain unworn, no occasion has warranted the honour.

7. I had my first crush on a boy called 'Bassey' I thought he was the most beautiful boy ever. He had gray eyes that were always teary, he spoke to me once even though we lived on the same street.

8. I hate shopping for clothes, I like to have what I want in my mind and then walk into Topshop or H&M or Portobello and pick it up, of course it never works out like that. I get dragged around by my sister, who is a proper fashion head, and used as a mannequin . I love to shop for gadgets though, I spend an obscene amount of money on my tech things, it's a huge passion of mine.

9. I remained a virgin until twenty one. I thought I would wait until I fell in love and then I met Joel at uni, I was not in love with him but he was the only boy I have ever met who could turn me on with a touch. We had sex during 'Swordfish' we were the only ones in the theatre and he smelt so good, it was messy and a lot of fun,lol.

10. Yay, the final one. I walked in on my boyfriend's best friend's girlfriend (does that make sense?) naked once, we were all staying in the same house and I walked in without knocking, I expected no one to be in. I looked at her, she looked at me and I knew, I coulda had her if I wanted to, I had known it before then but that moment confirmed it. I apologised and walked out.

*This is an extra one, - I really like watching women dance, I don't mean all winding and grinding, just cool rhythmic body movements, there is nothing more sensual.

Okay, that is it. I have honoured the tag and I tag;

*CultureCynic.
*Lowlah.
*Nice Anon.

Fuzzy transmitions.


I am just bored, I just had an argument with my phone buddy, distance is a bitch, so, here I am with a jam free doughnut and a cup of cafe con leche. My phone sounds fine to me, he claimed I had fuzzy transmition, I know he is reading this so, J, I don't believe you (you need more people). I am going going to listen to Mariah Carey feat. Dru Hill - 'Beautiful Ones'. Oh, here's something to do....

*Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions.
*They have to be real...nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers.
*You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.
* Dont google your answers.
*Make it as interesting and fun as you can.


1. What is your name: L-VII

2. A four Letter Word: Lure

3. A boy's Name: Leandro

4. A girl's Name: Lolade

5. An occupation: Lumberjack

6. A color: Lavender

7. Something you'll wear: Lacy things

9. A food: Lasagna

10. Something found in the bathroom: Loofah

11. A place: Lima

12. A reason for being late: London Underground

13. Something you'd shout: Let's do it again

14. A movie title: Living in bondage

15. Something you drink: Lemon juice

16. A musical group: Little Brother

17. An animal: Lion

18. A street name: London

19. A type of car: Lexus

20. The title of a song: Lady Suite

It's now 01:46am, I am still bored, gonna watch this mind numbing Tyler Perry movie.

P.s. I tag anyone who is having a moment like this to do the above list.

L.

The sequel.

This is the final part of the story that I started in my last entry, it was inspired, again, by some real events and by own curiosities. So, please read and tell me what you think.

The sequel.

She called me, three times after that night, each time my head hurt and my fingers stilled. I did not dare answer. I was back here now, where I belonged.

We had not talked about it, but I caught him looking at me on numerous occasion, concern etched on his face. I could not bring myself to tell him, how do I explain that I had become a hybrid, neither here nor there? I came home last night to find him laying on the dark wooden floor, records in hand, he had Teddy Pendergrass' 'Love TKO' playing, nothing out of the ordinary about that. He looked up at me, a knowing smile on face, 'I was just you, know going through these, are you okay?' that was his new thing, asking me if I am 'okay' since that night, I had become something fragile, he spoke softly, walked lightly, yet I am the guilty one. His demeanour made me uneasy, he was ever the attentive fiancée, holding open doors, pulling out chairs, I managed for days, then weeks to stop thinking about that night, my moment of madness, and slowly, he too relaxed.

Friday night, freshly bathed, he was sitting at the end, he looked at me, desire swimming in his eyes, I smiled and made my way to my side of the bed, snugly tucked in, I prayed for sleep and hoped he'd do the same. I felt his calloused hand on my back, he moved closer, 'I miss you, I miss us' I sighed. He moved much closer, his hands came around my waist, 'Remi, what's wrong' he did not wait for my answer, I pushed back into him, he was already hard and I made up my mind to exorcise the ghost of that night, right then. I brought his hand my chest, 'touch me' he grew bolder, his breathing heavier, his mouth on my ear and the pleasure became so familiar, why had I stopped this, stopped him? I found his roaming hands, pushed him on his back and straddled him, my night shirt went over my head and I brought his hands to my breasts as our eyes bore into each other, his hand moved across my breasts, down to my navel and I stopped him, he sighed in frustration but I was determined to control this.

'Do you want me?' I do not know where I got the courage from, he squeezed my butt as a way of saying yes, his penis oozed precum and I knew he was as excited as I had ever seen him, I grabbed him, and tugged lightly, his breathing hitched, I touched the precum and brought it to my lips, his eyes grew, I knew what he was thinking, I had never done anything like this before.

I surprised myself with the boldness with which I brought him, rock hard into my mouth, 'oh God, Remi' I was strangely delighted, I was out of my comfort zone and I felt liberated, his hand at the back of my head, holding me in place, I had no idea how much he enjoyed this, I did not want to bring him to a climax yet, I eased him slowly out of my mouth and he pulled me up, his eyes held mine again, I knew there was so much he wanted to ask but his arousal rendered him incapable of thought, I straddled him again, this time I rocked myself on his abs, I wanted him to feel just how wet I was, he attempted to hold me in place but I caught his wrist in a loose grip, my need to be in control was overwhelming but I knew he was enjoying it, if only for tonight.

I grabbed him, I felt him tremble, I had him on the precipice and it drove me wild to see him, on his back, his face contorted in pleasure, I guided him inside me, took a minute to get used to the feeling and then I began to move slowly, my hands on his chest, my feet under his thighs, he moaned softly, 'oh God' I watched him, beads of swear running on his face, He grabbed my wrist, pulled me down and then rolled us over, he was now on top of me, his face, a cross between raw pleasure and anger, he started a slow deliberate kinda stroking, his mouth on mine, my hands around his head, he picked up the pace and I realised quickly how much I had missed this, my legs were far apart, slightly off the bed, toes curled.... we came together, he let out a guttural groan as my fingers dug into his shoulders.

Still breathing heavily, I attempted to hug him, he pushed me back, 'what' I asked, he laid there, lightly coated in sweat, breathing rythmlessly, he turned to me slowly, 'tell me who else has touched you' I looked at him, unsurprised by his question and unable to muster the strength to offer a denial, my eyes fell. I felt him get up, his penis still partially erect, he grabbed a pillow and walked out of our room, naked.

Being unfaithful.

I was inspired to write this little story by two bloggers in particular, I have always wanted to write it because it had been floating around in my head for a little while.. Anyway, enough of this preamble, you all read and tell me what you think. I want questions....lots of them. Alright, laters, I am going to see if i can get loosen the grip this credit crunch has on me..



Being unfaithful.

'Tell me to stop, tell me' she whispered into my ear, I wanted to oblige but I could not, I needed this more than I cared to admit and she knew.
Her mouth teased me, she nibbled lightly on my bottom lip and I felt my resolve crumble. How could I be doing this, with her! Her mouth moved to my throat and at that moment, no excuse I could think of would do, this is something else I wanted. Hands, soft and insistent coaxed me out of my cocoon, she turned me over and stretched over me, her breasts on my back, her hands in mine, 'I have wanted you for so long' she said the words so softly I was not sure she said them at all.

I accepted my fate, I was a prisoner to my passions, she let go of my fingers and I braced myself for what was to come. Her mouth, so sweet, wet kisses on my back, soft moans filled the air, I do not know if they came from me or her, she pushed her leg in between mine, 'tell me to stop now' I ignored the request as I turned myself around, she now hovered over me, hooded eyes looking at me with intensity, I reached for her. I needed her mouth on my mine again, needed to know I did not imagine the pleasure that she could bring, she kissed me, little kisses she knew drove me mad, her hand teased my breasts, she had me as taut as a bow, her mouth, I had never known pleasure like this, I had encountered it in other forms but not like this, my nipples painfully erect, she kissed me again and I wrapped my legs around her.

Wanting to be completely at one with this sweetness, her fingers made the painfully slow journey down, stopping to caress my hips, 'please' the word fell from me but I was desperate for her touch, I needed her to do something to douse the flames she ignited, she stopped to look at me, my eyes barely open, then she found me, thoroughly soaked for her, she played with my sowllen clit and I thought I would die. She took her hand way and I cried out at the loss, 'shhh' and she began another kind of descent, I knew this, her mouth has promised what she would do, I found it so hard to breathe, afraid I would die from this want need.

She stopped at my knees, looked up at me as parted my thighs, she smiled but I could not, I anticipated, that mouth, again, kissing her way up slowly, until, she parted me and I opened my legs wider, her tongue probing, her mouth kissing, I thought I would explode, her mouth found my clitoris, I grabbed her hair, my back arched as I thrust into her, she wanted to take her time, she brought me to the edge only to pull back, 'how do I explain this, where do I start?', those words crossed my mind as her fingers entered me, two, then three. She thrust into me slowly at first, then she increased her pace, I knew, like she did, I was close, her mouth enveloped my clit, she flicked her tongue over it and I shuddered as the spasms washed over me, my hands buried in hair.

She kept her mouth on me until my limbs went limp, shallow breaths pouring from me. My eyes still closed, she kissed me and I could taste myself on her, I could not move, my heart rate slowed to a pace I could bear. I looked at her, afraid to break the spell, 'what will you tell him' she asks, 'I don't know' I did not feel like myself, I felt exposed, parts that were dormant now hummed with pleasure newly discovered. I willed myself off her bed, she rolled onto her side to watch me dress, her head resting in her hand, 'don't feel too bad, I wanted it too' I let out a short burst of laughter, 'believe me, that is not the problem. it is what to do now I have had this, I am not a cheat, I do not do it, and now, I am covered in you, us' her eyes clouded over as I spoke, I ignored the look and went about searching for my left shoe. I said my 'goodbye' barely able to look at her.

I wanted the rest of the day to decide what to say, I roamed the city streets, looking at women, wondering if the attraction was about her or much more...... I felt nothing for all these women, their face, bodies, did not stir anything within. She has answered one question I did not know I had but she left me with so many more. I eventually made my way home and he was there, where I knew he'd be. I wanted to tell him I was sorry for causing him to worry, but he stood up pulled me to him, he sighed in relief. I hugged him back, desperately needing to chase the guilt away.

Random 10s x2

Things I do.

1. I really like blueberry muffins, cut into four, as a broke student, I ate this, only, for days on end.

2. I love being kissed by someone who know how ( I am a great kisser, yes I was told and I believe it...lol, the best kiss I have had so far was from....)

3. Shoes are a nascent passion of mine but as they say, pepper no rest and papa no be senator, so the passion remains theoretical.

4. I love languages, the different lilts, tones. My favourite language, (after my own) is Spanish.

5. I love books, my room is a mini library.

6. I watch foreign films without reading the subtitles first, then I watch again and I read them.

7. I am a sucker for dimples, I prefer one to two.

8. I love wearing matching underwear (as a matter of fact, I try to match always)

9. I have a young crush on a blogger.

10. I enjoy men who possess easy masculinity, not overt, just a quiet manliness, it is, after jazz, an aphrodisiac.


Things I do not.

1. I do not like sweet things, as a child, I would swap my sweets for ákárá or any other savouries.

2. I hate people who think because I am smart, I must be sexually repressed, the two things are in no way related.

3. I hate it when people say what exactly what they think, as it comes to them. Only children should speak their mind with little thought or concern for people's feelings. I appreciate honesty, Lord knows I make it my business to be honest when asked but people confuse being tactless (at best, and being damn cruel at worst) with being 'upfront'.

4. I hate plaintain, shock horror, this caused many hungry afternoons. I do not only hate plaintain, I hate anything it touches, my mother insisted on putting the fried plaintain on my rice, so, everything became inedible to me.

5. I hate cheats. Any kinda cheating but especially in a relationship, do you ever watch a film where X is with Y but really wants to be with Z? And X proceeds to cheat with Z and breaks Y's heart and the audience is supposed to be happy because X and Z got together and found love? Well not me! I always feel bad for the person whose heart got broken. Anyways, Hollywood sucks.

6. I have an immense dislike for organised religion, I belive in God but religion irks me.

7. I hate being tongue kissed, makes me want to throw up, I really believe a kiss does not have to involve sticking a whole tongue into someone's mouth(the tongue can be used for a myriad of things, just not in my mouth)

8. I really hate that Nollywood script writers write dialogue that require several trips to the bloody dictionary. I challenge anyone to find a Nollywood film in which the word 'insinuate(ing)' is not used.

9. I am not happy that my voice is about one octave deeper than it ought to be. I have made my sisters suffer hours trying to assure me that I sound essentially feminine, I am still not sure I believe them.

10. I hate that so many Nigerians are conservative about so many things, especially where women are concerned!

Lol, it's sunday night and I am bored.....

Mo' betta blues.

I am going to Jazz cafe tonight. Lemme tell you fellas out there (and ladies too because there is room in my heart for all) if you wanna get at me, I mean really, you gotta know Jazz music. That is my aphrodisiac, knowing your jazz (provided there is initial attraction) will almost get you a finger trip... Hmmn, here is one of my favourite modern Jazz tunes, it is by Terence Blanchard and Branford Marsalis, it is featured in one of my all time movies, 'Mo' Better Blues' (I recommend the film to everyone, if you liked 'Love Jones' for more than Larenz and/or Nia, though those two make a good enough reason to like a movie, I will recommend this film to you). I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

L.


When was the last time...........


I asked someone that question today and he looked at me like I had just sprouted a second head. 'When was the last time you wrote or received a letter?', he paused and said 'd'you know I cannot actually remember'. While on the train, I started thinking about how we don't write anymore. I had a pen pal once, I remember how I'd check the post every friday, barely able to contain my excitement because I knew a letter would be coming for me! So I was inspired to write this poem real quick, here it goes;

I want you to write to me,

Paper, pen or pencil

No eraser

Write me

Crossed out intentions

Rewritten to hide the fact you care more than you should

I was thinking, no wondering, maybe we could......’..

Tell me mundane things about your day, how your boss hates you

All 6’4 inches

Ask me how or if I think of you

I don’t normally do this, I mean this is not my thing'

I’ll secretly cherish how much your hand gives away’

My urban Casanova

'I really wanted to make you do that thing again

Your head thrown back, my toes curled because

I know i did it.'

On these pages, you’ll hold my hand

All caution thrown to the wind

You’ll disregard stares and engage in P.D.A

Bahia does seem too far in between these lines

Here you’ll wander outside margin with little thought

No secret between us, you, me and this sheet of A4

Do write me,

Dare me to tell you how I really feel

Remind me how much I say to you

When I think you are too distracted

To remember

My feet might be drained but my head always

Retains enough blood’

Tell me you’re not sure about so much

But you’re willing to go with my flow

if that is what you want a day at a time

Is fine I suppose.

It's been a while and I am rather rusty but hey, my muse has not deserted, I am grateful for that.

I love Her (my tattoo)



My grandmother was the first person I saw with tattoos, she had eight to be exact. I was fascinated by the marks on her right forearm. Two scorpions, a bird, her name and some other drawings. As a child, I often asked her about the markings and she'd say 'igba sisi mi ni mo ya won' (I got them as a young woman) but that answer was never satisfactory. I moved to England and I forgot about Alhaja's tattoos until I turned 19. I got the urge to get my own tattoo and I thought of her. I know now there was some defiance behind her tattoos, my father told me so. When she was getting ready to marry my grandfather, he objected to her tattoos and she was given the option to either get the offending marks drawn over (my grandfather, a devout Muslim, did not like images of animals drawn on what he perceived to be a holy temple) or forget getting married. My Alhaja chose the latter and according to my father, she told Alhaji that the markings were there when they met and he liked her, so, they'll stay. They parted ways, he went off to fight the Germans in Algeria as part of Her Majesty's army and my grandmother married another man.

They met up again in 1949, my grandmother was about board a bus at
Adeniji Adele when they walked into each other. My father told me my grandfather knew she was already married then, he told her then that he'd seen so much death and destruction that he was no longer sure about God. He asked her about her tattoos, she told him she still had them. He told her he saw scorpions in the desert and he thought they were signs from her, offering him protection.
My Alhaja left her first husband at the age of 22, he had become a serial womaniser, who left home for weeks on end. They got married, Grandma and Pa, a month later, Alhaja wore a western style wedding dress that showed off her tatoos.

In the tattoo shop, I thought of getting a scorpion and I decided against it, I chose to dedicate my new tatoo to my Alhaja and all the women who raised me. So here..... (it says 'but for the love of sistahs)

T'okunbo




I am still crunched, my project has been pushed back, I am less than happy about. I am seriously thinking about moving back home though, my plans for the year are rather skewed right now, I dunno. Home in this instance will be Lagos, where I was born. I have been in the UK for most of my life but the need to go 'home' never subsides. I am not one of those folks who emigrate and become so completely assimilated that 'home' hardly crossed their mind.

After my trip to Lagos two years ago, I realised just how vibrant Lagos is, I think it definitely has a spot for a girl like me, the only disturbing thing is how much I was reminded that 'you know you're a girl' it got a extremely annoying after a while. I will be the first to admit that I like a little drink and when that happens, I smoke. It's just something I started while I was living on campus. I a am social drinker and smoker, no big deal. Now, the former did not attract much attention, it was the latter. People thought it was okay, to tell me, a grown woman, that 'you know it's not good for a woman to smoke' to make it worse, dude who first said that to me was smoking! I told him where to stick it. One thing I try to do in life is to reserve judgement until I need to make it, it's annoying that people would reach a conclusion about me because I smoke and drink socially. That really bothered me to be honest and I was hanging out with a rather high brow crowd, I was under the foolish impression that they would perhaps be more accommodating . Anyway, the third time I heard it, I ignored it. (I must add that I did not dare drink, let alone smoke while I was in Eko, I did not want to send my grandmother to an early grave).

Oh, something else I realise is that a foreign accent gets you very far! My cousins, who all sound like 'butter kids' used me to get things, I swear I felt so damned awkward. The first time they did it, we went to Nando's I think and the service was not all that, my cousins were there arguing with the service people which was getting us nowhere then they asked me to ask for the manager, I did not understand why but I did, I took care to be polite, the woman apologised and offered us some free food! I declined, embarrased, I made us all leave. I was later informed that she only did that because I sounded foreign, which was slightly annoying. We got free tickets to some social events and got free entry to a beach (ok, that was in exchange for a cigarette, the beach was close to the Chevron Estate, I cannot remember the name.) I did not know you had to pay some sorta entrace fee to go the beach but hey, we got there and we almost the only ones and I swear it felt like heaven. It sounds kinda trite but being there on the beach, looking out at the ocean and being surrounded by my loved ones brought tears to my eyes.

I also got asked out a lot, but a lot the guys struck me as shallow oh! this older guy, I am sure he was older than my pops, also asked me out, he was the chairman of Eko Island Club (which meant nothing to me because I did not know what that was, not that it would have mattered) dude actually sent his body gaurds to come and bring me to him, I woulda been scared but for the fact that it was at my cousin's wedding and there was police everywhere. Yikes! I told him I'd be back because I did not want to be rude.

It was an obscene affair, the wedding. I am sure there were over a thousand guests, they had some comedian guy, Julius Agwu as the MC, the Governor's wife, Oba Akiolu, the Elegushi of somewhere and some top politicians were all there. I would hate to have such a wedding, it turned into some networking event. I felt sorry for the bride, I am sure people forgot it was supposed to be her day!

This has gone on for longer than I intended...

Hey Ya!




This credit crunch thing has really done a sista in! So, I am here thinking about a line from one of the most ubiqutous songs of the the noughties, 'if nothing lasts forever, what makes me love the exception?'.... This is not a question that I have ever tried to answer to but I think the question can be broken down, there are certain types of love that will and can last forever, I do not see how anyone/thing can rid me of the fierce love I have for my family, I guess that is love we all take or granted because it is assumed and we rarely have to work at it. I take it for granted that my siblings and my parents love me, I do not work at cultivating that love, it does not require me to put my best foot forward, it is a love that is complete. I feel it from time to time when my sisters go out their way for me, then my heart skips several beats and I remember that I am loved. That love I know, will be for the duration of our forevers, when it is we meet our maker, that love will be as strong as it is now.

Now back to the song, I am going to assume that dude was talking about romantic love, the kinda love that you feel in your fingers and toes ( yes, at the risk of sounding cliched, my left hand does get momentarily paralyzed when I see certain displays of romantic love, so, sue me!) I do not know if that love lasts forever, I have never been 'in-love', I have been in strong 'like' but never a head-over-heels kinda deal, nope! What I have seen and heard allows me to believe that love is some shape shifting emotion that does not remain the same for long. The initial rush of discovering something so precious,
the I want you by my side all the time or the we can't wait till the bedroom rush wears off. What is one left with? Two people who continue to grow, change ( for better or worse) so it is only right that the love does the same. I have seen people who could finish each others' sentences turn around and loathe each other and that always leaves me with questions, did this person change into some sorta ogre or did the 'love' run it course?

I am a romantic cycnic (the biggest oxymoron one can imagine), aside from the involuntary reaction my left hand suffers from, I have little time for all the mush, you know, flowers, chocolates and the like. So I feel that I am going to err on the side of those who believe that love is a transient emotion, I think one should enjoy it while it lasts and once it is finished, that is that.

When I express this view, my mother is shocked
'you are playing with loneliness' but that is a worry that does not cross my mind right now. I have seen many people suffer under the yoke of fear of being alone and like my friend says 'that one will not be my own portion o'. My plan in life is to know as many people as possible, travel different continents, I intend to open my mind and heart to the complexities of human emotions and maybe then my opinion on the matter will change but we'll see.

What do you all think?