Nu gig, some old skool love ish.



(I saw the above online, just one of my lazy surf sessions. Suffice it to say, it became my wallpaper, I thought I'd share, it seems strangely apt)

I just wanted to write a short piece, the muse has been with me for a minute. So, I left my job..... Arggggh! Okay, that situation is not a big deal, I got something a better. I am actually proud of myself where this decision is concerned.. I have a tendency to get comfortable, I saw that creeping up this time and I wanted to knock it on the head. It's a progressive move, your girl's doing some things :-)

Okay, this is what I really wanted to riff on, I don't know how people of my moms' generation love. I'm tryna say, I do not know what it means to them, I do however suspect that it is neutered by culture, especially on the woman's part. I dunno that this is true for all parents but watching mine, it is hard for me to see how they could have ever loved each other yet it is obvious to me that must have at some point. That sounds like a contradiction, abi. But to see my pops talking about my mother, I know that dude must have dug that woman at some point, he gets that look in his eyes and a small smile plays about his lips, sorta like he's been transported into a scene that I'll never fully understand. But as as quickly as the look appears, it goes.

They have zero in common, both of them. Yet, they were for some reason successful in repressing their other needs and wants, I mean, they must have been to some extent, they've 5 children. Anyways, pops announced to me last week that he was ready to bail. My moms was heart broken as it is to be expected, after thirty years. After reflecting on it though, I am not sure that the pain emanates from his impending departure, I think there is also an eleement of shame involved. I dunno how to feel about that, her shame that HE is leaving. It's really rather strange and I am trying not to look at this with 'oyibo eyes' as I have been often accused.

There are a lotta things that are going through my head where they are both concerned, most of which I cannot say because it is, as they'd say, 'too big for my mouth'

So, I felt pretty lonely, all these conflicting emotions swirling around in my head, had to keep strong though, first daughter flex. :-)

I've been kept amused by a new friend of sort, she makes me laugh, she listens, I've sorta missed that, talking to someone about nothing in particular and know that you have that person's attention. We had a long debate last night on marriage and the Nigerian woman, hmmn her views deserve a post. Bush girl.

The soundtrack to this post Duncan Mighty 'I don't give a shot' Big tune! Reminds me of my recent trip to Naija.

2 comments:

Myne Whitman said...

Hmmm...this one also big pass my mouth. I always assume that after so long, most parents will just bear it out. I guess you can at least be there for your mum.

BTW, that picture is not it, for me sha, :)

Rayo said...

I've always wondered about their generation. My parents have next to nothing in common, I often wonder what keeps them together, society? culture? children? I dunno. Can't imagine how tough this must be for your Ma :(