PP, Maroc...

Okay, who has been living an emotional roller coaster? After TV, I have been really good, celibate, turning down chances I would have grasped, if feels good not being led by my libido. With all that said, TV and I talk, a lot! I dunno that that is necessarily a good thing, that situation could get very messy. The upside of the whole not sleeping with anyone thing is... I have become an excellent masturbator (if there is such a thing). Too much information? Ehh, what the heck! One oughta know one's body well, it is a must in life! You need to know what you like to know what you want, I believe this. There is nothing more off putting that being a pillow princess! (one who just lays there and does nothing) Anticipate, engage and participate :-)

I went to Morocco! It was a great time, shame about the cuisine though. I really thought I would enjoy the food, I found it all rather bland save for one meal, a tangine we had at the main square. I intend to put up pictures from the trip when I'm less tired.

Yours Truly at the CTM bus station, Marrakesh. (I had terrible hair for the entire week!)

I've been gone for a minute! Why do I find myself saying that in every new post? In the meantime, I am nursing an e-crush on Sugabelly, she is my own blogger Goddess (shame the chic does not know just how mind blowing she is) and I have been catching up on some good music. On a serious note, Naija music is starting to bore me! If I remove the words 'Swagga, shekpe and shayo' a lotta artists would be mute! I wanna hear something original, something that screams 'Naija' and I am not talking about that psuedo American accent that all use. Okay, I am back to dipping in Saffa music now, discovered one joint whilst searching for something else, it bangs! I cannot say how much I dig the chic right now, her voice has been the soundtrack to my journey for the past week.

Quick question, how many people have sent naked pictures to someone? Via email or BBM (or whatever medium that exists for such things)? I like being titillated like that, pictures of bare shoulders, forearms, and lips exciting me. I have been over indulged by a particular person for a while, it's fun... Shame I do not take many pictures, I am rather convinced that I look like an alien in most of them (I am serious o. If I do put one up, it's because I have mulled it over and decided that you can just about make out that I am human :-)


So here's my lady of the moment, Thandiswa Mazwai. I have a thing for the Xhosa click, the ish is sexy as hell.



Until the muse takes me again, peace.

Secretly, over 18s.

I have started living vicariously through my friends! My life is rather boring right now. I have put a full stop to my sexual escapades. I just can't find the time, that is not to say I will turn you down if you're tryna gimme some, please feel free to holla, anytime, we can even exchange BB pins and then we'll decided what we wanna do. Okay hold on, does this count as me soliciting? Because that is a crime, abi? Nah, I am just tryna meet people so unlike myself.

(just in case some police like characters are reading this. Oh yeah, if you're not over 18, this here post is not for you, thanks!)

Okay lemme get serious, not that I was being entirely facetious, today is Sunday and I spent four hours at work. Such has been my life for the past three months.

I saw a friend last night, she reminded of times that I did any and everything. I was ever so tempted to give in to the past... See, that is what boredom does to to you!

I love being a banker, (okay,that's not true, I like the money that one can make being a banker) don't get me me wrong but I do not want my work/life balance to be skewed in favour of work.

I saw a film on Friday, 'The Secret In Their Eyes'. I would recommend it to anyone looking for a cinematic treat.

The above picture I took for a friend, note the cereal bowl, that was me enjoying an after work meal of Coco Pops, even though I hate milk, contradiction, eh?

Short piece this'll be. I am off to bed.



Peace.

In the gap (TV and Friend)

So, it has been two months and some since I blogged last. I have been busy, crazy busy. The new(ish) leaves me with hardly any time for myself. But, it's going well so I cannot complain.

During myself imposed hiatus, I had my birthday, I reconciled with an old friend, got in a love triangle of sorts. The latter was just crazy. More of it later but right...

May I just say that Saccharine Royalty is cheeky little bugger (as we say here in good old blighty). The best friend is a playwright, so he has written a musical. The thing about musicals is that you need music, abi? So I mentioned to Johnny, (the best friend) that I know this dude who does music and great posters. I called up SR and dude was like 'yes, who is this?' Of course he has my number (you're reading this, so let me say, 'yes, you do!') Anyways, he was slightly cold be he warmed up, I told him why I called and as I expected, he was cool. So, about a day later! I get an email from dude saying we could get together if I felt like it! I mean, if someone else said let's get together, I'd think they meant for coffee or just a general chit chat but SR, he meant let's fuck! I laughed, it was slightly flattering that he'd still be interested but he's a man now, so I guess I shouldn't read too deeply into that. He's a nice dude though, all things considered.

My birthday was interesting, in a completely different way to last year. I did not go 'out' as such. I went to work, as it fell on a Monday and I spent the night with, hmmn, what shall we call this one, let's just say, The Visitor (TV from now on). Now I mentioned earlier that I was caught in a love triangle, abi? Well, it was with TV and a friend. Now, I have made it clear on several occasions, to my lovers and friends, that right now, I just want to fuck, sleep around, get laid, whatever. The only caveat where that is concerned is that I will sleep with only that one person during any period of time, no double dipping for me, thanks. Okay, back to the matter at hand, TV, friend and yours truly, hung out on my birthday, it was cool. I did not get laid like I wanted and planned to because, well, you guessed it! Friend was around! We did everything but the main! It was frustrating as hell! But the next day we just chilled, I surprised myself, I did not get the urge to pick up my things and leave, I wanted to stay. This shocked me, it was the first time in a long, long time that I wanted to be around the morning after. They were here as tourists, TV and friend, so I guess a part of me did not mind being so unguarded, it was crazy though. I actually put my plans to go meet up with an old lover on the shelf because of TV (and friend, because one came with the other!).Maybe it's because TV was completely different to anyone I had been with but this I actually wanted to talk and cook! Imagine! It was cool though, I had fun with the whole thing, Johnny reckons I'm slipping, me? Hmmn, I dunno. As much as I liked them (in very different ways, might I add. I was crazily attracted to one and the other one I thought would make a good hang out buddy), I was very uncomfortable with the whole arrangement. Okay, this is getting to be a mantra from me but I cannot delve into the story much as I would love to, I have not sought permission from TV and friend and I do not want to upset anyone.

I am still in the process of trying to move out. I realise staying at home as long as I have has stunted me in so many ways. London is very expensive though, I am talking a grand for one a decent one bedroom flat with good transport links. I am willing to pay that much. Freedom, to employ the old cliché, is priceless.

Oh, to the friend I reconciled with. If you are familiar with this blog, you'll know I have/had a friend called E.Q. This chic meant the world to me, for real. We fell out last year, December, to be precise. It was very hard for me, more than I thought it could be. I guess I can say that I was heart broken. I called, wrote emails, left voicemails and all the while I wondered at the strange force that made me swallow my pride so completely, albeit four months after the fact. But I did all that anyway because I loved the chic, we were very different but I dug the fact that she could talk to me about anything. Long story short, we met up on a Saturday, I walked through Portobello Market to meet her, my heart pounding, thinking about what I would say to her, how I would fill her in on all the things I had been up to. When I finally saw her.... Nothing! All the nervous excitement dissipated and in its place was a low humming disappointment. We talked and it dawned on me that though we had know each other for years, I cared more about our break up than she did. Also, she had changed, in ways I can't exactly describe or maybe I have, I dunno but.... It finally dawned on me that we can never be again as we once were. It's shame really, I don't really make friends with women, it's just the way it has turned out. I'll still miss the chic but I have satisfied the burn to reconcile, now I am good.

It's been a while, so I had a lot to get off my chest.

I hope everyone's been good.

The picture above is of my birthday present to myself.It speaks for itself I think.

Oh! I am so excited about Rick Ross' new album, it's been a while for me where hip hop is concerned but this one looks good.

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Crossing lines, almost

So, I had an interesting weekend, it could have been better but... I did reach one interesting conclusion about myself though! I am not a great drinker. In my mind, I like to think that I can knock back shots, whilst swigging beers and downing mojitos, this is not true. I got drunk, like stupidly drunk. The kinda drunkenness that separates the body from the mind, I willed my body to do one thing and it completely ignored me! I had to force myself to throw up, just so I could walk.

Back to the essence of the weekend, I made some friends on FB and they're in London for a while, so yours truly took it upon herself to be a kinda tour guide. Might I add that I am a quite boring, I do not do the whole clubbing thing so I was a little nervous about how I was going to show my two friends a good time. I roped in some other friends and we headed out to town. We got to one spot, the music sucked!

Seriously, I am not much of a dancer but I move some and in order for that to happen, I need to at least hear some good shit but that was not to be. The DJ did shout out my friend whose birthday it was and she played ONE good song, this is after I begged her of course. After the time at the bar, we went to a cafe and this is where things sorta went south!

Now, I am afflicted with a perennial big mouth. Sometimes, I indulge myself by saying exactly what I mean to say, how I mean to say it, with little or no thought to how it'll affect people around me. If you've been keeping up with my blog, you'd know that one of the things I detest most is this precise aspect in some people. I basically said all kinds of things that should have earned me a slap (according to my very good friend) but did not. I managed to piss off two of my friends, one has gotten over it, she loves me too much not to (cue serious eye rolling sessions) the other, err, I am not so sure. She says it's 'ba wahala' but I do not know the chick well enough to take her word for it.

Anyway sha, I spent Saturday and Sunday feeling pretty bad, I am talker, hell. I could talk for Lagos Island but I reckon I went a little far. In order for what I am going on about to make perfect sense, I would have to write about some things which I cannot because they are not solely mine to tell. This is the horrible part if writing, where one has to remember to defer to other people's feeling when keeping such a public diary. Oh, another thing I did discover though is that free fucking, as I so crudely want to put it, always has repercussions! Yes, there goes my string free theory. By this I do not mean one person falling in love, if there is a chance of this happening, I am yet to be affected by it, a fact that I am very grateful for. But I mean, the next person I decide to engage with sexually, has to be someone that I would not be around but for sexing, does that make sense?

This blog of mine has turned into a running commentary on my sex life. I want this to be the last post on it for a while, unless I have some mind blowing, heart stopping sex! :-) This one person that I got down with last, is pretty cool, someone I could chill with even if were just hanging out, I am mildly surprised by the force of the physical attraction I felt, to be honest, sex can be pretty perfunctory for me, it's like, you want it, I want it, let's do the damn thing, lol. But there I was, studying crevices and grooves, remembering smiles and 360 type transformations, I was knocked off my stride some, so much so that I woulda pulled myself to the side and asked myself some questions if I could have. I am the kinda lover that enjoys being touched as well as touching, I am very responsive and I enjoy responses, I figured that as a woman, I gotta make sure that I am not a pillow princess, waiting to be touched with hands by her side, that is not a good look! I also enjoy being in control, as a matter of fact, I pride myself on that. So in this instance, that was not the case, I turned into a kitten, unusually submissive and hungry to touched, even thinking about it now makes me cringe... Hmmn, what I gotta figure out though is why! I have not had much time to process it, my mind has been too busy these days but when I do give it proper thought, I will share.

So, I gotta draw a line under my latest adventure, why? You may ask, well, my guard slipped a little, not by much and we are certainly not talking about a romantic kinda deal here but by enough to make me think, errr, enough of this now! That's sorta makes me a coward huh? Yes, I will not deny, I am not one for putting more than my body in the hands of someone I have nothing more than biblical relations with, Lol. Okay it is undeniable, I am a wimp! I think we'll just hang out and watch basketball together or something. I am typing this on my lunch break, such is my boredom. The new job is going well, it'll allow me to move out in a couple of weeks, fingers crossed. I went to Madame Tussauds, this is not something I would have done ordinarily but it was a friend's birthday and I was invited so, off I went. I would like to say now that I do not think it is a worthwhile way to spend one's hard earned money, seeing a bunch of wax celebrities doing nothing, it is just not my cup of tea. Any how, the picture above is Yours Truly and The Greatest, I dig him, yay!

I gotta jet now, I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. Oh! Has anyone heard some good music or seen a really good film they'd like to recommend? I have not had much time to discover new things these day. Peace!

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Job, like this.

It has been over a month!! May I confess that I suffer from chronic procrastination, I have been meaning to do this for a while....

So, since I wrote last. I got a job, in fact, at this very moment, I have two! I work at a Broker's at the moment, doing my Compliance/KYC thing, I love it there. It's very laid back, jeans and T-shirt kinda place. The pay is good and I am pretty much left to my own devices. Then, I had an interview at HSBC! I did not think I was going to get the job, the lady who conducted the interview was not nice at all! Anyhow, to cut the long story short, they offered me the job, it pays very well and it's a mid term contract. I was really conflicted about taking it. I dig loyalty and I felt really bad for a couple of days. It then dawned on my that I gotta do what's best for me. So yours truly is stacking them chip, you know? I am tryna go home!

That's the job front. On a more interesting note.... I took a hiatus from all forms of sexual activity, even masturbation! It was not as hard as I thought it'd be. Funnily though, I had more opportunities to get laid whilst that was going on, more than I would ordinarily.

My little ONS guy and I do not talk anymore, dude is as stubborn as he is honest. I am slightly disappointed that he is being that way but you know, how does the saying go, 'one cannot have the cake and eat it'. I wanted to keep it sexual, he came around to that and he was unwilling to bend. I admire that but still... What happened.. Well....

After our one (and only encounter) we talked for a while and we arranged another one. My grandmother died, so the last thing on my mind was sex. He called and I told him but he did not believe me, I guess he thought I'd make that up, just to get outta having sex with him, lol. What's the English for 'No thanks again?' Anways, I suggested we meet up in central London, since I still wanted to see him, I suggested we just talk and hang out. He then threw my earlier line in my face 'I have friends babe, we don't need to hang out' I must admit I was rather tickled when he said that... But dude said, there was no way he could come to central London, he just could not be bothered but that I must come over to his house.... Now, let me just state for the record, I could fly to Paris in the same time it takes me to get to his house. The whole episode was quite silly really and it is a shame in some ways, I was beginning to like him. That was the last day we spoke but we are still friends on FB.

Now, I have sorta decided to be a good a girl from now on. I know I can fuck, if that is what I want, but somehow, the novelty has worn off.... From Saccharine Royalty to now, I have done a bunch of things I cannot write about, I took a break to put some things in perspective and now, sex is great, bloody hell it is but it is not the be all... Right. :-)

As part of my support Naija effort, I bought 'The Secret Lives of Baba Segi's Wives' I am yet to read it... But yeah, support your own folks...

That's all, this is all over the place, as is customary now. I try to cover as many things as possible..

The soundtrack to this; 'Princesses Nubiennes' by Les Nubians, I told you all how I feel about this album.

Stay well.

Disappointments et al.

It has been a long time since I have done this! The thought has crossed my mind on several occasions but between then and now, I have not been in the right mental space.

Anyway, here we are. I had the worst news ever today, strangely enough though, I am not too cut up about it. Here is what happened; yours truly got interviewed for her dream job at an investment bank, as some of you may know, I am a compliance analyst, blah blah. So, this job was basically me in charge of my own case load and reclassifying some clients that had been erroneously classified plus redesigning the compliance process, in short, it was my dream job!!!!!! So, I got the job, as I knew I would when I walked into the interview (I am not tryna brag but you know how you sometimes just get that feeling?.)

First round interview went very well, second round interview, even better. Got a call later that day tell me I had this highly paid, semi autonomous position. I was more than pleased. This all happened last week. I was supposed to start on Wednesday.....

So, on Tuesday morning, I get a call telling my start date had been moved up to Monday because they needed to sort out entry passes and a desk and all that. I was like 'cool, this'll give me more time to prepare for it'. I felt pretty relaxed about the whole thing, I got another call asking me if I'd be interested in another position, with a small investment firm, not quite as fancy as the first one and it did not pay as well. My first instinct was to tell them I had a job and to turn it down but something told me not to, so I did not. I told them yes and that I would be available on Monday 12th of April for interview.

So today, I was cleaning my room, playing jazz, just feeling really chilled, my phone rings. It's the HR people from the first job and the conversation went something like so. 'Ms. L7, we are sorry to inform you that the project you were hired for has been discontinued, the department could not get the increased budget approved' I was quiet for a while, then I thanked her. Now, I cannot say I was surprised, the whole thing was just too good to be true! I feel odd but not devastated but I really gotta thank whichever God it was that gave me the foresight not to turn down the second interview! I have had some time to think about it and I am totally mellow now, I have accepted it as one of those things that happen.

It has been a weird month. My grandmother died, I will write about that in more detail later.

Also, the dude that I fooled around with, well, lets just there is a little more to the story, I will write more about that later too.

I am seriously horny these days though. It has been going on for about a week. I am being teased mercilessly by someone and it is driving me bonkers! I am talking pictures, text messages, emails and all sorts. I feel like saying 'STOP' but I really like it. It's a schizophrenic kinda situation.

I have been listening to a lot of music lately, in between tryna write my novel and rekindling friendships and all at that. I will post my new favourite joint below. I am thinking about doing a whole post on music and how it affects me.

Kai, someone needs to talk to this promiscuous brain of mine. Apart from lusting after the one who is teasing me, there is also someone else. But this case get part two sha, dis one na real wait and see. The guy tink say he fit buss my head but lai lai, dat one no be my portion! He thinks he has found a maga but I plan to teach him a real Gidi style lesson... He thinks I am one of the small girls he can lie to! I for cut de guy off ehn but I dey gbadun his story telling. I have him saved as 'TBM' (Tales By Moonlight) in my phone. Kai, the guy can lie! We'll see sha, I'll keep you all posted.

My song of the moment, I love, love this joint. It's by Aloe Blacc and it is called 'I Need A Dollar' The video is also a work of art, it's an old school kinda song and dude sounds real desperate, like he means what he is saying, he needs that dollar damn it! Props to my boy Mickey Kane for the heads up.




I gotta jet, take care all.

One Night Stands and complications.

How do women approach one night stands, I mean, the question that is really on my mind is, what is the best way to have a one night stand? Is it best to do it with a complete stranger or should one seek out someone one is familiar with? I do not know the best answer but I will write from experience.

So, I had a ons once. It was not your typical ons because, me being me, I had to plan everything down to the last climax, lol. Anyways, he and I made plans, we talked and the big day came around. I made my way over to his place, let me tell you, dude lived really far, it took a me a long time to get to his. On the way there, all kinds of thoughts went through my mind on, would I be attracted to him? Would he be clean? I mean my biggest fear was that we would be sexually incompatible and let me just say, that would not have funny at all! I had this thought in my head of him being really small, I mean we had exchanged pictures but pictures lie, photoshop and all that. I also had this fear that he would be without imagination, seriously, I thought about all kinds of off putting things.

I must say, I was not immediately attracted to him, he is a nice looking guy, not too tall, slim and very clean. I just did not feel a spark straight away, I am hard to please sometimes, lol. To cut the long story short, we did the deed. (May I say he has the nicest equipment I have ever seen, my fear about him being small proved to be foolish! I wish I could show you all a picture, lol! It is perfect, I told him as much)

Now, I had a good time and he is good company. The problem is, we did not just have sex and leave it at that, we have since kept in touch and we send the odd text here and there. The complications that I think could arise are (1) I like him mildly, he is honest and he is very passionate about things he likes. Also he has a this crazy sex drive and he is a freak! (2) I think he might like me. This sounds a little conceited and I know if he ever reads this he'll agree but I get the feeling he does (3). we have talked about things that are outside my carefully constructed boundaries.

All this sounds like I am over thinking things but, I have a lot of time on my hands these days, so... Also, he was my first ons and I have since concluded that I think I can do it without it being a big deal, at least I think so. Before, I found it hard to reconcile my sexual and intellectual halves but now, I am very comfortable with being a thinking being who has no problems with sleeping with whomever takes her fancy (lol, I am not quite an Ashawo yet though.)

Finally, we plan to do it again, he might cook for me, the last time we got some pizza, fucked, smoked, fucked some more, smoked again, I got up, had a shower and I bounced. Actually, that makes me sounds like a pro, which I am not! But, yeah, he is a nice guy and maybe it'll be better if he was a bit of an asshole. Eh?

See, I have found out that I can like one person and sleep with someone else. I am more of a sexual being that I gave myself credit for! I do maintain that I am not crazy about sex though, it creeps up on me once in a while and I have to have it.

I spoke with my ex about this and he thinks I am tryna be like a man, why pray tell is it alright for a man to think with a penis and I can't think with my vagina? I must let it be known that my heart is not attached to my nether region, I have discovered that and I plan to milk it until I fall in love (I am not too optimistic where that is concerned).

I do not know what this sexual awakening is about and I am not trying to say I am the flyest chick out there but I have had opportunities, with men as well as women, but I had been emotionally hamstrung (as a result of expectations I placed on myself) and now, I am just so bloody nonchalant about it, it's as exhilarating as it is scary.

Okay, I am sorry it has been a while, I have been going through some things, I will write about some of them soon.