An hour

I'm slightly high right now, off nicotine. That happens to me sometimes. I smoke, not heavily though. Sometimes when I inhale, I get light-headed and my eyes narrow, it's akin to a cannabis induced expression, or I've heard. :-)

The new job is, erm, well, interesting. I'm flying all the way solo. My manager is working in another city, so, it's me and the team. I'm slightly scared training new people, they sorta expect you to know everything. I'm pretty confident with what I know, vis-a-vis work, it's the expectations that jar me a little bit but hey, I wanted the challenge, so here it goes.

I went to watch rugby with my boy, Johnny. It was a very odd experience. Dude is into all sorts of sports, I was distracted, the men wear teeny tiny underwear like shorts but that was not the cause of my distraction. It was far too cold for me to enjoy this outdoor sport, I wanted to be at home! But, dude comes to my things, so I guess, I felt like I had to do it. Still, getting to hang with him is always good, keeps my brain fresh.

So, as a little treat to myself, I was working on this little piece. It's called an hour. If you read it tell me what you think.
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An hour.

Tonight, my door bell rang. I was in the middle of watching 'The Good Wife' or fantasising, I cannot quite remember which. Anyway, I was pulled outta my reverie, walked to the door bare footed. I opened the door in a hurry, blinking, rapidly. Err, I wasn't expecting you. Hands in your coat pockets, a half smile on your face. I was tempted to ask you, in the manner in which I felt it 'What do you want'. Instead, I steadied my gaze, ready for the words I knew were coming. 'I'm sorry' you said, 'forgive me'. I stepped aside to let you in. You were too late, yesterday, I cared.

See, I had woken up, picked a shirt I thought you'd like, we're doing lunch, going to a quiet little side cafe, we were gonna talk, or maybe I would have shown you the little Chinese guy who makes little sculptures from grass blades, I dunno. There's a canal close to my office, we would have walked past it, there are trees too, tall thick trees that conceal all kinds of things, hmmn, this is the point where I'd get hastily rewarded for my patience.

For an afternoon, maybe an hour, we'd forget that it's been a long month. I hate walking in heels but I 'd slow down, the time has to last longer than this. In my head I expected too much, way too much. But I'll fill you in. Back to my little apartment, where you tell me again that you're sorry. Now it's my turn for the half smile, 'I know, I know you are' but an hour would have made all the difference.

I wake up, to the sound of my door buzzer going off, I'm pretty sure it's about to be dejavu.
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I'm off to bed, it has been a long day. Stay blessed.

Missed opportunities?

I'm getting really prolific these days. :-).

I need some therapy!!! Not the sit in chair and tell me what's wrong kind, no. I need to do something I haven't done in a while, something that makes me grin from ear to ear. It's been a minute since I have had that kinda fun.

I'm confused, seriously. I had an interview, two weeks ago, prior to leaving my old job for this new one. The opportunity seemed so exciting, working in a different city, meeting people I would not ordinarily hang with, you know? Anyways, I left my job, got a new one (little clue, it's with one of the big four auditing firms) and I forgot about the interview. Today, what do you know, I got a call! Like, hey, we'd like to offer you the job!

I could not even be happy about it. I don't like being confused. On the face of it, the offer is cool, the job pays well but so does my current one. I have no idea what to do. I need to talk to someone about it. I am terrified that I'll make the wrong decision. It can't be solely about money, other things have to be weighed up.

I think I'll make a 'pros & cons' list. I need to see my thoughts and reasons on paper.

It's funny how things work, eh? Two years ago, I couldn't pay for a job, now.... Hmmn, I guess I gotta remember to be thankful.

I don't feel so good today and I know I won't for a long time. But after that, I'll be better, much.

Stay well.

Peace.

In the gap (TV and Friend)

So, it has been two months and some since I blogged last. I have been busy, crazy busy. The new(ish) leaves me with hardly any time for myself. But, it's going well so I cannot complain.

During myself imposed hiatus, I had my birthday, I reconciled with an old friend, got in a love triangle of sorts. The latter was just crazy. More of it later but right...

May I just say that Saccharine Royalty is cheeky little bugger (as we say here in good old blighty). The best friend is a playwright, so he has written a musical. The thing about musicals is that you need music, abi? So I mentioned to Johnny, (the best friend) that I know this dude who does music and great posters. I called up SR and dude was like 'yes, who is this?' Of course he has my number (you're reading this, so let me say, 'yes, you do!') Anyways, he was slightly cold be he warmed up, I told him why I called and as I expected, he was cool. So, about a day later! I get an email from dude saying we could get together if I felt like it! I mean, if someone else said let's get together, I'd think they meant for coffee or just a general chit chat but SR, he meant let's fuck! I laughed, it was slightly flattering that he'd still be interested but he's a man now, so I guess I shouldn't read too deeply into that. He's a nice dude though, all things considered.

My birthday was interesting, in a completely different way to last year. I did not go 'out' as such. I went to work, as it fell on a Monday and I spent the night with, hmmn, what shall we call this one, let's just say, The Visitor (TV from now on). Now I mentioned earlier that I was caught in a love triangle, abi? Well, it was with TV and a friend. Now, I have made it clear on several occasions, to my lovers and friends, that right now, I just want to fuck, sleep around, get laid, whatever. The only caveat where that is concerned is that I will sleep with only that one person during any period of time, no double dipping for me, thanks. Okay, back to the matter at hand, TV, friend and yours truly, hung out on my birthday, it was cool. I did not get laid like I wanted and planned to because, well, you guessed it! Friend was around! We did everything but the main! It was frustrating as hell! But the next day we just chilled, I surprised myself, I did not get the urge to pick up my things and leave, I wanted to stay. This shocked me, it was the first time in a long, long time that I wanted to be around the morning after. They were here as tourists, TV and friend, so I guess a part of me did not mind being so unguarded, it was crazy though. I actually put my plans to go meet up with an old lover on the shelf because of TV (and friend, because one came with the other!).Maybe it's because TV was completely different to anyone I had been with but this I actually wanted to talk and cook! Imagine! It was cool though, I had fun with the whole thing, Johnny reckons I'm slipping, me? Hmmn, I dunno. As much as I liked them (in very different ways, might I add. I was crazily attracted to one and the other one I thought would make a good hang out buddy), I was very uncomfortable with the whole arrangement. Okay, this is getting to be a mantra from me but I cannot delve into the story much as I would love to, I have not sought permission from TV and friend and I do not want to upset anyone.

I am still in the process of trying to move out. I realise staying at home as long as I have has stunted me in so many ways. London is very expensive though, I am talking a grand for one a decent one bedroom flat with good transport links. I am willing to pay that much. Freedom, to employ the old cliché, is priceless.

Oh, to the friend I reconciled with. If you are familiar with this blog, you'll know I have/had a friend called E.Q. This chic meant the world to me, for real. We fell out last year, December, to be precise. It was very hard for me, more than I thought it could be. I guess I can say that I was heart broken. I called, wrote emails, left voicemails and all the while I wondered at the strange force that made me swallow my pride so completely, albeit four months after the fact. But I did all that anyway because I loved the chic, we were very different but I dug the fact that she could talk to me about anything. Long story short, we met up on a Saturday, I walked through Portobello Market to meet her, my heart pounding, thinking about what I would say to her, how I would fill her in on all the things I had been up to. When I finally saw her.... Nothing! All the nervous excitement dissipated and in its place was a low humming disappointment. We talked and it dawned on me that though we had know each other for years, I cared more about our break up than she did. Also, she had changed, in ways I can't exactly describe or maybe I have, I dunno but.... It finally dawned on me that we can never be again as we once were. It's shame really, I don't really make friends with women, it's just the way it has turned out. I'll still miss the chic but I have satisfied the burn to reconcile, now I am good.

It's been a while, so I had a lot to get off my chest.

I hope everyone's been good.

The picture above is of my birthday present to myself.It speaks for itself I think.

Oh! I am so excited about Rick Ross' new album, it's been a while for me where hip hop is concerned but this one looks good.

Sent using BlackBerry® from Orange

Job, like this.

It has been over a month!! May I confess that I suffer from chronic procrastination, I have been meaning to do this for a while....

So, since I wrote last. I got a job, in fact, at this very moment, I have two! I work at a Broker's at the moment, doing my Compliance/KYC thing, I love it there. It's very laid back, jeans and T-shirt kinda place. The pay is good and I am pretty much left to my own devices. Then, I had an interview at HSBC! I did not think I was going to get the job, the lady who conducted the interview was not nice at all! Anyhow, to cut the long story short, they offered me the job, it pays very well and it's a mid term contract. I was really conflicted about taking it. I dig loyalty and I felt really bad for a couple of days. It then dawned on my that I gotta do what's best for me. So yours truly is stacking them chip, you know? I am tryna go home!

That's the job front. On a more interesting note.... I took a hiatus from all forms of sexual activity, even masturbation! It was not as hard as I thought it'd be. Funnily though, I had more opportunities to get laid whilst that was going on, more than I would ordinarily.

My little ONS guy and I do not talk anymore, dude is as stubborn as he is honest. I am slightly disappointed that he is being that way but you know, how does the saying go, 'one cannot have the cake and eat it'. I wanted to keep it sexual, he came around to that and he was unwilling to bend. I admire that but still... What happened.. Well....

After our one (and only encounter) we talked for a while and we arranged another one. My grandmother died, so the last thing on my mind was sex. He called and I told him but he did not believe me, I guess he thought I'd make that up, just to get outta having sex with him, lol. What's the English for 'No thanks again?' Anways, I suggested we meet up in central London, since I still wanted to see him, I suggested we just talk and hang out. He then threw my earlier line in my face 'I have friends babe, we don't need to hang out' I must admit I was rather tickled when he said that... But dude said, there was no way he could come to central London, he just could not be bothered but that I must come over to his house.... Now, let me just state for the record, I could fly to Paris in the same time it takes me to get to his house. The whole episode was quite silly really and it is a shame in some ways, I was beginning to like him. That was the last day we spoke but we are still friends on FB.

Now, I have sorta decided to be a good a girl from now on. I know I can fuck, if that is what I want, but somehow, the novelty has worn off.... From Saccharine Royalty to now, I have done a bunch of things I cannot write about, I took a break to put some things in perspective and now, sex is great, bloody hell it is but it is not the be all... Right. :-)

As part of my support Naija effort, I bought 'The Secret Lives of Baba Segi's Wives' I am yet to read it... But yeah, support your own folks...

That's all, this is all over the place, as is customary now. I try to cover as many things as possible..

The soundtrack to this; 'Princesses Nubiennes' by Les Nubians, I told you all how I feel about this album.

Stay well.

Disappointments et al.

It has been a long time since I have done this! The thought has crossed my mind on several occasions but between then and now, I have not been in the right mental space.

Anyway, here we are. I had the worst news ever today, strangely enough though, I am not too cut up about it. Here is what happened; yours truly got interviewed for her dream job at an investment bank, as some of you may know, I am a compliance analyst, blah blah. So, this job was basically me in charge of my own case load and reclassifying some clients that had been erroneously classified plus redesigning the compliance process, in short, it was my dream job!!!!!! So, I got the job, as I knew I would when I walked into the interview (I am not tryna brag but you know how you sometimes just get that feeling?.)

First round interview went very well, second round interview, even better. Got a call later that day tell me I had this highly paid, semi autonomous position. I was more than pleased. This all happened last week. I was supposed to start on Wednesday.....

So, on Tuesday morning, I get a call telling my start date had been moved up to Monday because they needed to sort out entry passes and a desk and all that. I was like 'cool, this'll give me more time to prepare for it'. I felt pretty relaxed about the whole thing, I got another call asking me if I'd be interested in another position, with a small investment firm, not quite as fancy as the first one and it did not pay as well. My first instinct was to tell them I had a job and to turn it down but something told me not to, so I did not. I told them yes and that I would be available on Monday 12th of April for interview.

So today, I was cleaning my room, playing jazz, just feeling really chilled, my phone rings. It's the HR people from the first job and the conversation went something like so. 'Ms. L7, we are sorry to inform you that the project you were hired for has been discontinued, the department could not get the increased budget approved' I was quiet for a while, then I thanked her. Now, I cannot say I was surprised, the whole thing was just too good to be true! I feel odd but not devastated but I really gotta thank whichever God it was that gave me the foresight not to turn down the second interview! I have had some time to think about it and I am totally mellow now, I have accepted it as one of those things that happen.

It has been a weird month. My grandmother died, I will write about that in more detail later.

Also, the dude that I fooled around with, well, lets just there is a little more to the story, I will write more about that later too.

I am seriously horny these days though. It has been going on for about a week. I am being teased mercilessly by someone and it is driving me bonkers! I am talking pictures, text messages, emails and all sorts. I feel like saying 'STOP' but I really like it. It's a schizophrenic kinda situation.

I have been listening to a lot of music lately, in between tryna write my novel and rekindling friendships and all at that. I will post my new favourite joint below. I am thinking about doing a whole post on music and how it affects me.

Kai, someone needs to talk to this promiscuous brain of mine. Apart from lusting after the one who is teasing me, there is also someone else. But this case get part two sha, dis one na real wait and see. The guy tink say he fit buss my head but lai lai, dat one no be my portion! He thinks he has found a maga but I plan to teach him a real Gidi style lesson... He thinks I am one of the small girls he can lie to! I for cut de guy off ehn but I dey gbadun his story telling. I have him saved as 'TBM' (Tales By Moonlight) in my phone. Kai, the guy can lie! We'll see sha, I'll keep you all posted.

My song of the moment, I love, love this joint. It's by Aloe Blacc and it is called 'I Need A Dollar' The video is also a work of art, it's an old school kinda song and dude sounds real desperate, like he means what he is saying, he needs that dollar damn it! Props to my boy Mickey Kane for the heads up.




I gotta jet, take care all.